Hard Lessons

​As I look in the mirror, I see a shell. The remnants of my former self that once was like a sunrise as in having so much to give throughout the day and now more like the sunset as in so close to darkness yet still trying to hold on to very little light to find a way. I know that I still bring happiness to some, I can see it on my children’s face and the look in the eyes of my fiancé, but to myself I feel as if I am a disappointment. Maybe time, stress and life lessons have brought me to this point or could it be that I really am so close to failure. I’ve always heard that “when it rains, it pour’s” and have recently seen first hand what that saying really means. Will I give up? No, I am a born fighter. There are 5 others depending on me to keep my composure, that are relying on me not to quit, that I have to show that no matter how hard things become you don’t give in. I’ve seen and read so many times about people giving up because life gets hard or things don’t work the way they expected, not taking into consideration about the little eyes that are watching, only selfishness. Our children follow our lead. If they see you quit what is that teaching them? I want my children to learn that no matter the struggle, you will survive. So sure I might not be who I once was but when my children grow up, I’m hoping when they run into problems they look back and remember that when dad had troubles, he faced them with a crooked little smile on his face and handled them like the hard nosed sum bitch he was portrayed to be.

Destined To Be Greater

​Ever feel like you are destined to be greater than the path that life has lead you? Yeah, me too. Waking up early, going to a decent job with shit pay cannot be my destiny in life. I feel that my fiancé and children are part of my destiny. I feel that they are here to help lead me to where I’m supposed to be. I’ve always heard that passion and hard work always pay off in the end but where is the end? From my point of view in the last ten years, it seems that these days the more ass you kiss, the further you get and I’ve never been the one to kiss ass or try to get into the “buddy category” with the boss in order to be paid what I feel like I deserve. Life has to be more than scraping by to make someone else filthy rich. It has to be more than feeling “stuck” at a job because you need money to survive and take care of your family. Take a moment and think if what you’re doing is what you were destined to do. No? Then you are the only one that can change it. You’re the only one that decides your future. YOU are in control of your life. Yes? Then you have already realized the sentence above. Some of us weren’t born with that silver spoon and have to earn our way but if you have to earn it might as well earn it in a way that brings you joy and benefits yourself (and the less fortunate if you’re like myself). 

Be Thankful

Good morning! This morning I woke up at 5:30 (like I do every morning I have to go to work, it sucks lol) and go outside to start my jeep so it can warm up since the temperature is in the teens and it decides it doesn’t want to stay running without my foot on the gas, so I cuss to myself like normal. Then on the way to work the transmission starts slipping (like it has been for 2 weeks now) but it’s worse this morning. On the way I get a text from my foreman saying that he’s not working today, so I decided to stop at the store, get gas and money out of the atm for the light bill then head back home. On the way home my transmission was slipping so bad that I had to pull over, as I sat there still cussing to myself and wondering what else could possibly go wrong (while my head was on the steering wheel) the thought came that I should be thankful. Sure my vehicle has problems but atleast I have one, yes my check will be short of hours next week but hey, I’m getting one, light bill is due along with other bills which leaves my bank account low but I have an account and my lights will be on. There are people in the world that have alot less than myself and here I was sitting on side of the road feeling sorry for myself. I raised my head up, smiled at the thought of my little family, put my truck in drive and headed home (transmission didn’t slip once). Everyone struggles at times, some more or longer than others, but you should look past those struggles and be thankful for what you DO have and what IS going right instead of letting negativity weigh on you. If you’re having a bad day, think about your significant other, your children or anything that puts a smile on your face instead of worrying about work or bills or your boss being a douche because there is always someone less fortunate than yourself. I taught myself a valuable lesson this morning (who’d a thunk it) and hopefully it’ll help some others in life.

What is going on?

What has happened to our society? I’m a 35 yr old, father of 4, that works 40 plus hours a week and between the news and social media I have come to the conclusion that we live in a time of spoiled, cry baby, hypocrites. Growing up I was taught to work for what you want, treat everyone with the respect that you would like to be treated with and not everyone has the same opinion as you (it’s life, get over it). In this day and time majority of people are looking for “the easy life”, have no respect for anything or anyone and “protest” over any little thing that doesn’t go their way. First thing that comes to mind, when I see or read about things like this, is “a good ole ass whipping as a child would have solved this shit” but in this day and time most would scream child abuse then grow up thinking they need a “safe place” when something hurts their feelings and sue their parents for “mental stress”, it’s sickening. Let’s not forget the “mommy and daddy didn’t show me enough attention” excuse, wow. My father was in and out of my life as a child and my mom worked 3 jobs (yes.. 3) to make sure that we survived and tada, I’m an adult that doesn’t make excuses for things that doesn’t go the way I like. How about crawling out of your safe place, put your picket signs down, put your big boy and girl panties on and understand that not everything in life will go your way and that everyone has a different opinion and outlook on things.